Lasting love is not a given. It's a skill!

We hope you enjoy this sample from the Lasting Love Academy's START HERE / SELF-TESTS / CORE CONCEPTS course. Click here to BEGIN YOUR LASTING LOVE JOURNEY and engage in challenges, self-tests, and community Q&A opportunities. 

Everyone wants lasting love, but for many couples, it can be as difficult to capture as a plastic bag flying in the wind, and for a good reason!  Our modern culture has moved away from the deep roots that support lasting love. 

In 1960, when my parents were young adults, they had a 59% chance of being married by the age of 30 and a 72% chance of marrying and remaining married. Nowadays, only 20% of 30-year-olds and 51% of ALL adults are married. Whereas my generation believed that it was an eventual reality that they would marry and have a family, these statistics prove what today's men and women have long suspected—that marriage and family life may not happen or last for them. 

After helping thousands of singles date more, date better, build relationships, and prepare for marriage, we have seen the many distractions that attempt to pull these couples apart. Chief among these are unrealistic expectations, anxious and avoidant attachment patterns, fears of missing out, an excessive focus on flaws or problems, difficulty being vulnerable, failure to depend on each other, and the overarching concern of “What’s in this for me?”

These struggles have become inbred by our romanticized and sexualized culture in which living a real life with a real person and offering real love does not draw large box office crowds. Social media's idealized portrayal of others and their relationships makes it difficult to feel good about oneself and one’s partner. Our modern culture's emphasis on authenticity makes fleeting emotions a more important motivator for decisions and actions in relationships than one's core values or long-term goals.

This leads to such common thinking errors as:

• If I feel ____ (angry, lonely, bored, unfulfilled, etc.), my partner must not be the one.
• If we experience ____ (conflict, problems, communication issues, etc.), the relationship must be wrong.
• If I don't always feel ____ (excited, attracted, and satisfied), then I must not really love my partner. 

Consequently, a fear of getting trapped in a less-than-ideal situation leads singles and couples to abandon real progress toward attachment for the more popular distortion that relationships should be easy and natural, and if not, they should be avoided or abandoned.  

Unfortunately, such beliefs are in sharp contrast to what generations of happily married couples know to be true—that consistent behavior, guiding values, sacrifice, and an overall interest in the happiness of others and the relationship are essential to ensuring lasting love through both the good and hard times. 

Just as a young soccer player discovers that when she focuses on the goalie, she always kicks it straight to him, you must look beyond the issues and emotions in front of you to the larger goal of lasting love. Only then will you avoid the distractions and pitfalls of a society that no longer knows how to intuitively train its youth in what will bring them the most happiness and success: marriage and family life. 

Relationships, like people, are living things that need to be nurtured and protected. Love is a choice, and lasting love is a skill! You can have the skills you need to succeed in marriage and family life. 

Mark this lesson as completed and proceed to the next challenge.

Statistical References

Cohn, D’Vera, et al. “Barely Half of U.S. Adults Are Married - A Record Low.” Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project, 13 Dec. 2011, www.pewsocialtrends.org/2011/12/14/barely-half-of-u-s-adults-are-married-a-record-low/

“The American family today.” Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project, 17 Dec. 2015, www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/12/17/1-the-american-family-today/

Women, Men and the New Economics of Marriage. Retrieved October 30, 2017, from http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2010/01/19/women-men-and-the-new-economics-of-marriage/